Speechless; words fail me…

I’ve watched my first Fast and the Furious movie. It was a spin-off, really, or so I’m led to believe- Fast & the Furious: Hobbs and Shaw. My goodness it was silly. In fact, it was so silly I feel rather insulted by the film-makers. Didn’t they think I deserved a decent script, character arcs, drama, realistic action sequences? No? Indeed, apparently not. Coming so soon after Kong vs. Godzilla (or was it Godzilla vs. Kong? Is there even a difference?) a film I’m still trying to figure out enough to write a review… A line from a Pet Shop Boys song springs to mind, What have I, what have I, what have I done to deserve this? 

That joke from Airplane comes back to me, of a news pundit commenting he has no sympathy for the doomed air passengers “they knew the risks, they bought their tickets…” or something like that. In my case, “he knew the risks, he knew what kind of films they are, I say- let his brain explode!”

Perhaps I need to watch some of, if not all, the remaining eight (soon nine, I gather) Fast & the Furious films in order to glean some sense of logic or purpose in the events and characters I watched in that Hobbs & Shaw movie (I mean, what was Helen Mirren doing in it?). All I could gather from its huge body count was that if you don’t have a line of dialogue then you’re simply cannon fodder and that there’s no harm in excessive bloodless, painless carnage as long as everyone is spitting out silly wisecracks and the cars look cool.

I didn’t expect that Idris Elba could mine the depths of his ‘performance’ in that Star Trek film again, but he found a way… I did like Vanessa Kirby though. I don’t think I couldn’t have lasted it out to the bitterly senseless end without her being in it. Oh well, we’ll put my eventual review on pause.

7 thoughts on “Speechless; words fail me…

  1. I guess there are some bits of this that would’ve made more sense if you’d seen the F&F films first (like what Helen Mirren’s doing there, for instance). Also, if you watch them all in order, you can kinda see how they gradually(-ish) transition from fairly-realistic “street racing and gang who steal DVD players” to the cartoonishly OTT “international espionage action… with cars!” that they all are nowadays. But it still won’t necessarily make it all make sense. These are very big, very silly movies, and I kinda love them for that. Not high art in the slightest, but I find their ludicrousness — and the audacity to do some of the things they do — to be quite fun.

    1. Relatedly, for what it’s worth, I think Fast 5 is the kind of “platonic ideal” for these films. The quality of the four before is variable (but you need to see them all to get the most out of 5), and from 6 onwards they get increasingly daft. 5 is the sweet spot.

    2. There’s that bit with the helicopter, a long chain and three trucks and at one point Dwayne Johnson holding them all together alongside a cliff when I nearly choked on my crisps.

      1. Haha, yep! You just have to treat them like a live-action cartoon at this point, I think — they’re gone way beyond being even vaguely plausible now.

      2. That’s true of all the Marvel and DC stuff too, isn’t it? Even something like Superman: The Movie seems realistic and down to Earth compared to what they are doing now. At least Richard Donner’s films had characters we could identify and care about. Even the bad guys had some depth.

  2. Matthew McKinnon

    I’ve never seen one of these but I saw a few bits over someone’s shoulder on a plane trip and that was enough for me. I’ll keep it that way.

  3. Pingback: The new Dune trailer – the ghost of 82

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