I’ll keep this one short, I first just have to find an excuse for having watched this… well, it was a long day, a rough day at work (well, in my back room, so ‘at work’ doesn’t mean quite what it used to… ) so I was tired. That’s my excuse, I was tired. I could have put something decent on, something that required my attention, but really, some nights when I’m tired, that’s not doing a good film justice, it feels wasteful. So I was tired, had about 90 minutes to kill before going to bed, needed to ‘escape’ a little… so yeah, the mission is to find some undemanding harmless rubbish that doesn’t insult my intelligence.
But that’s a tricky thing in itself, browsing through all the possibilities on either Amazon Prime of Netflix, you can be so spoiled for choice, you fail to make a choice. Its happened to me before, thinking I’ll find something to watch that’s about 90 minutes long, and twenty minutes/half-hour later it dawns that the 90 minutes now requires two hours all told and I just give up, cut my losses with a half-hour sitcom and trudge up to bed irritated at having wasted opportunity for an evening movie.
So that’s my excuse; I sensed it was taking too long to find something and just desperately clicked on Black Water: Abyss, the premise of which is clearly a rip-off of The Descent, which was a great little movie that I should really watch again sometime (yeah, 2021 is coming) as well as cynically nodding to all sorts of films like Crawl, which was pretty bloody lousy itself. I have no excuses, really, it was clear this thing was pretty crummy. You watch enough movies, its funny how adept your Shite Radar can be; you can spot it just by the premise.
So what’s Black Water: Abyss about? Well we’re in Australia, and bargain basement Chris Hemsworth lookalike Luke Mitchell, who honed his acting chops in the gym and on Aussie soap Home and Away, stars as Eric, who leads a group of young non-entities (two couples and a gooseberry) on a jolly outing exploring a cave network out in a remote location. It starts raining, the caves start flooding, and, er, they get trapped with a hungry killer croc. That’s about it. There’s some subplot about two of them cheating on the other two and girl power winning out, and there’s even a really bad false-ending and silly coda that’s so ridiculous I might have yelled at the screen had I been less tired, but the ending was a merciful relief even if it was appalling.
Anyway, I promised I’d keep this short. This one’s pretty terrible and one you should definitely avoid, even if you’re stuck late in the evening looking for something short and undemanding to watch.