Round One: Statham v. Megaladon- FIGHT!
So The Meg. I think I thought the trailers were a joke. This couldn’t possibly be actually real, could it? A Chinese/Hollywood co-production featuring a gigantic prehistoric shark in an increasingly personal feud with Jason Statham? A film that literally proves there’s yet more depths for the summer blockbuster to sink into.
I’m used to crazy dumb films. Hell, I only saw The Wandering Earth a few weeks ago. But here we are. Maybe the Chinese are trying to destroy film-making in general- not content with making Michael Bay cinematic hybrids of their own, they recruit Hollywood talent to join in with their unholy exercise to destroy Western Civilization through bad moviemaking (its funny, you’d just think they’d sit back and let Michael Bay just carry on himself).
So bad it’s fun. We’ve all thought it at some time or another watching blockbuster schlock. I’m not so sure how much fun is to be had with this though. Mind, it earned lots of dosh at the box office, proving that stupid loud films with implausible giant sharks with dubiously generic characters and awfully creaky plot twists are somehow incredibly popular with the popcorn crowd, to the tune of over $530 million. Its bizarre really, as this thing is so bad it seems more destined straight to video than the local cineplex, but hey, Screen One seems to be the new VHS bin. How else to explain it?
Well, for one thing, its extremely gentle. I think Jaws was gorier than this and Piranha probably had more scares. This is decidedly (some would suggest cynically) family-friendly material, very Dr Who even in how it dishes out its very fishy tale of a monster shark discovered in deeper depths than even Cameron’s The Abyss dared plunge into. Its also very Gerry Anderson, with all manner of shiny CGI submarine hardware utilised to excite the easily excitable. An aquatic Pacific Rim almost.
I await the sequel with something approaching terror.