While She Was Out (2008)

kim1.jpegDowntrodden housewife Della (Kim Basinger, as if) is unable to keep her house tidy despite her two children being simply angelic, and has neglected both her appearance (Kim Basinger, wtf?) and her stressed-out arshole husband Kenneth. She’s also forgotten to buy the Christmas wrapping paper and its Christmas Eve (I only hope she hasn’t forgotten the presents, too) so after settling the kids for bedtime she leaves Kenneth sulking and drives off to the Mall.

Naturally of course the Mall is packed and there’s no spaces on the car park (only, well, there is, just a few metres away) and Della takes such an exception to one car lazily parked using two spaces (oh the injustice) that she leaves a note under the cars windscreen wipers. So she goes shopping and finds out her credit card is declined only adding to her woes (seems finance wizard Kenneth has a reason to be stressed). So she gets back to her car to be set upon by the bunch of four punks (Chuckie, Huey, Vingh, and Tomás) who own the car that she so called out for being jerks re: their inconsiderate parking. How exactly they knew she wrote the note or which car is hers is not made clear. Suddenly the car park is deserted (so many parking spaces, oh the irony!) so no-one can raise any alarm when the Mall security guard is shot dead by Chuckie (Lukas Haas, that kid from Witness) for trying to protect Della. Della jumps into her car and flees and the four punks after a debate give chase. Somehow Della ends up at an isolated  housing development site near a forest and crashes her car, and a game of cat and mouse ensues, the four punks knowing Della is the only witness to the security guard murder. Unfortunately for the four punks, Della is about to go through a rite of passage from downtrodden housewife to ruthless killing machine. They should be afraid. Very afraid.

As Christmas movies go, this one is that bad I might make it a seasonal staple. Its a blast from start to finish, from questionable casting (KIm Basinger as a plain, downtrodden, useless housewife?) to weird plot holes (I wouldn’t know where to start, frankly), but as champion siren call for housewife wish fulfillment/self-empowerment, this film is in a league all its own. Its frankly bizarre, especially the scene where Della seduces Chuckie suddenly using her sexuality as a weapon (fair play, all men are jerks and can only think with their —-) so that she can steal his, er, other gun and blow him away.  No doubt if this film was mentioned on tv’s Loose Women (I can’t believe I just referenced that programme on this blog)  it would be raised as some kind of cult classic, especially for the coda when she returns home with the wrapping paper and uses Chuckie’s gun to rid herself of her abusive husband. Merry Christmas kids, daddies gone away…

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