Iron Sky

“See that UFO? That thars no Martians- thats goddam filthy Nazis!” (no, that line isn’t in this movie, unfortunately).  Iron Sky is an extremely-low budget movie that began as an FX demo reel, the film apparently financed by crowd sourcing, something like public financing by geeks turned on by its clever premise. Unfortunately it turned out to be a clunker hamstrung by a terrible script and what could have been a witty low-budget take on Mars Attacks (and all those b-movies  and comics that Mars Attacks affectionately ridiculed/’homaged’) fails utterly- not so much a ‘b’-movie as a ‘z’-movie I’m afraid. In fact, it’s hard to describe this as a movie at all; it is more of a demo reel of everything wrong with cg-heavy low-budget film-making. Or what happens when a one-line pitch for a script (“Earth invaded by Nazi’s from the moon!”),  well, pretty much stays a one-liner, as if the FX Dept mugged the writers and carried on making the film without them. It’s so lame and  fundamentally amateur in so many ways its just depressing me writing about it but I guess considering its origins it was inevitable.

Thank goodness I saw this on a rental- some poor fools were suckered by the hype and the too-good-to-true-geekfest premise and actually bought the thing. You have to feel sorry for them- after all, how can you go wrong with a premise in which Earth is invaded by Nazi’s from the moon? Its just such a crazy idea it begs to be seen but in no way does it ever live up to the daft possibilities, instead it falls flat on its face in a mess of parody and political farce, ineptly directed, shockingly underwritten. There was a reason why this film only got a single-day cinema release here in the UK.  Quickly rushed onto home video, it’s a  Blu-ray disc better used as a coaster- yes its that bad.

“World War Two ends when we SAY it ends, yankee scum!” (no, that line isn’t in this movie either). So we have a Nazi base in the shape of a swastika on the dark side of the moon, disturbed by a black American Astronaut  (sent by a female Sarah Palin-lookalike president, yes it’s that subtle) who is captured and bleached white (I kid you not) by the evil Nazi’s who decide the time has come to invade Earth but spend three-quarters of the movie getting to it. They just need to steal an iphone first. Social commentary? Comedy? Not here folks. If this is biting satire then I’m a Martian. I’m sorry, but apologists for this film somehow champion it as a definitive anti-establishment movie, a crowd-sourced amateur epic. Well its amateur, certainly. It’s ham-fisted teenage-simplistic politics (America and the rest of the Free World as evil and fascist as the Nazi’s are) might appeal to the spotty pre-exam crowd but give me a break. This film isn’t anywhere near as funny as it thinks it is, or as smart as it’s  fans think it is either. How on Earth, with its wonderful mad premise, this managed not to be hysterically funny is beyond me- I cannot possibly describe how juvenile, how horribly shallow,  how poorly acted, how terribly directed, this film is. It’s the kind of film you get when you let people who have never been to Film school make a film (and if they did go to Film school, well, they obviously weren’t paying attention). Pretty damned terrible, and yes, the poorest film I’ve yet seen this year.

One thought on “Iron Sky

  1. Pingback: Iron Sky (2012) | 100 Films in a Year

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